Trying To See Well ?
About ten years ago, 'Trying To See Well' became a verb in a time when things were really tough in different areas of life. For years I have tried to see well in the dark, and some told me I should call my practice 'Seeing in the Dark.'
'Trying To See Well' was dear in my heart. I landed the name for myself when we chose our first son. His story was so horrific, and our household grew complex. I knew we needed to see well.
'Trying To See Well' in all circumstances has nothing to do with that good Christian language of "good will come out of this" or "God will turn all things into good" or needing to stay positive. 'Trying To See Well' means something different.
It means I am aware of my circumstances, situations, and emotions. I cry the tears that need crying. I feel the feelings that are there. I sit with the things I cannot control and ask for help and the support I need.
I can't change my past. I can't change my family not wanting to be with me. I can't change that I am so heartbroken over that. I can't change our children's horrific brokenness, and I can't change how they treat me because of it. I can't change how trauma still affects me. I can't change my dearest friend dying too young.
In all of that, I hold a posture of seeing well. Seeing that raindrop hanging from a branch. Hearing that bird sing. Tasting the sweetness of that strawberry and feeling that soft blanket around me. I see well because what I notice feeds me.
I am not avoiding; I am 'seeing' things that get me through. The trees crying with me as they hold these raindrop tears. The bird's song cheering me on. The sweetness of fruit reminding me of how sweet my boys and I can sometimes be together. The blanket wrapping me and us in love.
We need to help one another see well. This does not mean we go out and tell someone they ought to count their blessings, that they ought to look at the bright side of life. No! We encourage one another by mirroring our own attitude and ability of ‘seeing well.’ And if you notice someone can't do it for her/himself, then see for your friend, for your sister, for your brother. And, perhaps be still about it. We may always borrow what others are seeing for us. .I wonder what you see well these days, perhaps in the midst of hardship?
The Steps ~ There are ways in which you can train yourself to see well.
You can keep a gratitude journal in which you write every day, noting the things, the moments, the people that brought you light, a second of relief, or celebration, a smile.. Write at the end of each day, or write during your breakfast about the day before.
You can have a tiny little notepad in your pocket or purse, and throughout the day, write down the beauties you see, the things that are a gift.
Carry a practice of pausing a few times in your day; sit still or look around. What are you noticing, and how is this nourishing you? (I know people who set timers throughout the day.)
You can go for a walk and walk slowly, all for the purpose of taking in what you see, smell, and hear. Over time, it is these things that can turn into your ‘seeing well’ practice. Seeing beyond your circumstances. Seeing that turns into feeling. The ‘seeing’ that brings comfort.
You can start an Instagram page and commit to posting one photo a day (or week 😉) of something you see well. No words needed. And you can keep the account private, you don't even have to use your name. It is powerful when you look back weeks from now. It is also an amazing tool to spend time here when you feel you are drowning in your circumstances.
You can start a ‘seeing well’ practice with your family or community. At the dinner table, everyone can share what they saw well that day. When did each person pause to see well in the day? You can also make this a practice with a friend group where each of you, at dinner time, will send a text in the group chat.
Ask yourself this question every night before you go to sleep: What were the moments when God hugged me today?
Of course, Spiritual Direction is a great monthly space where you can ‘see well’ and linger in those moments that brought you gift. Revisiting and re-living these moments is a beautiful spiritual practice. Your spiritual companion can help you pay attention.