Holding up versus holding onto
I am currently on a journey with the Ignatian Spirituality called The 19th Annotation. This is a 9-month program where I retreat daily, in daily life. It has been quite breathtaking to follow a rhythm of meditation and contemplation while engaging in the Scriptures. I can say so much more on this topic, that is for another time.
I have been spending time on ‘spiritual poverty’. What? I do not want to be spiritually poor. I had to read these chapters over and over again, very gently, and over time, letting the words guide my heart. What were these pages telling me? In Ignitian Spirituality, you do not follow an agenda. You let yourself be guided through the given practices. Sometimes something does not speak to me, and that is okay. Sometimes I am not done with a certain day and I have lingered with 1 day for 3 weeks, that is okay as well. There is freedom in letting myself be guided. And letting go of having to get through exercises or performing was an easy thing for me. It has been a long lasting desire of mine.
Spiritual Poverty means ‘an emptying of self so that God can fill us with life and love.” Spiritual Poverty is freedom! “It is a stance of utter dependence on God for happiness and fulfillment.”
(Taken from The Ignatian Adventure~Kevin O’Brien)
This week I have been asked to look where I am enslaved. In what area am I not spiritually poor? I still, still live with seeking from people. I know of the concept of letting God be enough. It is a sentence I have been writing at the start of each journal for probably 3 years. I know the ability to let Spirit be enough leads to good things. It’s just, I am still, still attached to wanting from the people who are supposed to give to me. My family of origin that is shattered and not in touch, I look to my husband to fill me as it seems rightly mine to desire connection with him.
There is something I practice in order to be spiritually poor. I practice Holding Prayer. In holding prayer you take your concern, your feeling to God. Holding prayer is like surgery. It is God moving deep inside and you trusting a process is taking place, whether you notice anything or not. You are paying attention to what God wants for you, the person, or the situation you are lifting up rather than you being the person to run the show.
In my case, I have learned, instead of yearning from people, to bring them before Spirit. This place of Spirit I can describe as follows: I see brightness, smell sweet smells, hear the most joyful sounds, it is colorful, lovely and full of delight. To picture my loved ones there is a beautiful way to love them. To picture my loved ones there, is to picture myself there. At first I didn’t know that in this releasing, I am actually the one also being seen and loved. Indeed my attention moves from wanting to giving, and to receiving, what I wanted to begin with.
Would you like to know what Holding Prayer has to offer you? Bring a situation you are struggling with, a person you might not see eye to eye with, your own heartache before Spirit simply by holding it in front of Spirit, with hands open. You are not holding on; you are holding up.
The Steps:
Bring yourself to a place where you cannot get disturbed. Turn off your phone, and this is not a time to be sipping your coffee ;-). Perhaps set your timer.
Get comfortable and close your eyes. Make sure you sit in a position that does not require you to shift mid-way.
Take some deep breaths and allow yourself to become settled in God’s presence. This may take a few minutes.
Visualize yourself, the need, the person, the situation you want to hold before God.
‘Just’ hold this in God’s presence.
Think of God’s love around this. Focus on your breathing if your mind starts to get occupied.
Pay attention to where God may be leading. Spirit is leading somewhere. It may be that (S)he focuses on loving you. (S)he may point you elsewhere; go with Her/His flow… The point is to be okay in a place of merely holding up before God and entrusting this to Spirit..
Ask for you (or that other person) to experience Spirit’s presence in the midst of the situation.
When it feels right, release yourself, the person, or the situation into God’s loving care.
Express you trusting God with this.
It is always good to journal about your experience.