My cup for you runs over
Currently, I am. holding a lot of different things, in the context of being opposite of one another. It is a season. Holding opposites requires a lot of me. I love I have grown in the ability to hold things that seem to clash, I call myself blessed that I no longer desire answers. There is beauty in holding things lightly. And it can also be very tiring, and stirring emotions.
Today I woke up sad. I am in The Netherlands for a few months. It is lovely breathing and living my culture again while I genuinely miss my routines and sacred spaces in and around my home in The States. I longed to be in The Netherlands, while it also unsettles me. Now I need to give myself grace to land here. Find new rhythms. I grieve and I am deeply joyful. It’s exhausting.
Because jet-lag is very bad this time around, I have a hard time with my mind. It is not quiet like it is at home. How I long for that. But… I have only been here for a week, “Grace Maddy, grace” I tell myself.
I have been busy since my arrival and I have pressed the brake for the next three days. Today I entered the woods in Amsterdam. Within minutes I felt calm, I felt joy, and I even. noticed my creative Spirit wakening. And then I ran into this tree trunk. It held many fungi all around, in the form of cups. I wondered what meaning it would have.
It wasn’t until my session with my spiritual director that it received meaning. I thought it means promise, it held hope. But after sitting with this photo and engaging in Visio Divina, I realized these cups spoke directly to the desire I expressed to Jesus in the morning: in all this unsettling, I have a desire to be held tightly. I want to be embraced and feel safe. In this unsettling, I feel so very alone. Who understands all that I am holding?
The cups represent all these many decisions that lay ahead for me, in many different areas. I go from cup to cup and as you can see, each cup is held steadily by the trunk. All the things that I hold that need discernment, all the reasons I am here, they, and I am held securely in them.
Would you like to engage in Visio Divina? This picture can hold its own meaning for you personally.
Here are the steps:
Take a few moments to open your heart and mind to God by being quiet. Letting the sounds of your surroundings, and your thoughts just be, without judging them.
When you feel settled, slowly look and notice the image, taking your time to let feelings and thoughts come to you as you take in forms, colors, lines, textures, and shapes. Notice what you are drawn to and allow yourself to stay there for a while.
Close your eyes again with the image still on your mind.
When ready, open your eyes, now look upon the whole image, allowing it to draw forth a word, an emotion, or imagine in your heart.
What are your initial thoughts?
What feelings are evoked?
Continue to gaze and reflect as long as you need to, close and rest your eyes. Simply notice your responses to the image without judgment or evaluation. If you don’t like the image, or the feelings evoked, simply acknowledge it and continue to stay open to the image. If you have an immediate idea as to what the image means, again, simply acknowledge that this is your initial response and stay open to more as the prayer unfolds and time passes by.
Keep returning to the image with an open heart and mind. New thoughts, meanings, and feelings may arise; initial impressions may expand and deepen. No matter what your response is to the image ~ delight, disgust, indifference, confusion ~ ponder prayerfully your various responses and what they might mean for you.
As your prayer deepens, open yourself to what the image might reveal to you. What does it, and the Spirit want to say, evoke, make known as you attend to it in quiet meditation? Become aware of feelings, thoughts, desires, and meanings evoked by the image and how they are directly connected to your life.
Does it evoke values, remind you of an important event or season, suggest a new or different way of being?
What desires and longing are evoked in your prayer?
How do you find yourself wanting to respond?
Take some time to respond to God; gratitude, wonder, lament, confession, sit with tears. You can choose to journal:
What are your insights?
What are actions you might want to take?
What do you take with you to sit with because it is not time yet for action?
What feelings do you wish to express?
What do you feel in your body?
Bring your prayer to a close by taking some time in silence and resting in God’s grace and love, or perhaps in nothingness. You may feel enlightened, you might feel hopeful, you may feel empty. Can you simply acknowledge, let it be, and trust God is doing a good thing?