Who is being the gift here?
Well, you are about to get a deep look into my heart. It is not pretty people. I am human, and humans deal with ego. It’s just hard to talk about the things that are a tidbit ugly about myself,
Recently I have been pondering the spiritual practice called the Examen. I say “pondering” because up to this point the Examen has felt quite overwhelming. The thought to go over my day has been a struggle since I am getting older, and I just do not remember my day in much detail.
I know that practicing Examen on a daily basis is powerful. So I have decided to engage by studying and reading about it. And rather than having a moment each day for an Examen, I notice God pointing out things during the day, things He would show me to during an Examen.
This morning I was on the porch with my husband enjoying some coffee before getting to work and then a neighbor showed up. Right away I could see he needed a chat. So we made coffee and just hung out. Another neighbor walked by and he joined us. It was just a lovely time. I caught myself sitting there, enjoying it while thinking “This is really great. I am glad we could be there for our neighbor. I am glad we are people who change schedule and plans to be open for times like this. No one else seems to be doing this in our neighborhood, this is why people always hang out in our yard.” and on and on it goes. 2 hours later everyone went about their day and as I walked into the house God wishpered “What if these people were my gift to you? What if you were not the gift? I stopped in my track, what did You just say? “Well, you have been doing a lot of talking to yourself about how great you are and while you did that, you missed completely a gift that was intended for you.” In the kindest of ways God pointed me to my ego. I decided to get into my office and instead of getting to work, I sat down on my couch to give this all some more thought. Clearly there was something I could pay attention to. My second gift of that day?
Engaging with an Examen brings us many gifts, One of them is dealing with our ugliness. I desire so much to Love like Jesus, freely and without needing back! I also desire to realize a lot better that I love only because He showed me Love first. So this felt like a true gift.
Through Ignatius’ Spiritual Practices my view of sin has radically changed. Being aware of sin has nothing to do with shame, guilt, judgement or punishment. God is a loving God who lovingly comes next to us while showing us where we can change. He does not speak of guilt, He does not come in anger. In relationship with us He points us to areas of growth. Of course, it can hurt when we realize the areas where we can better ourselves, and Jesus is there to hold us in Love (not judgement) as we become aware, feel guilty anyways and perhaps shed some tears in pain. Since knowing this, looking at myself honestly is a complete different experience.
Some of the gifts of An Examen:
It helps us notice the gifts of God in our day.
It will help us become aware of our motives.
It shows us our sin.
It can help with our discernment process.
Would you like to start engaging with The Examen. You can do an Examen at the end of your day, during the day or look back the next morning. Here are the steps:
Go to a space where you will not get disturbed. Center yourself by focusing on your breathing. Focus on God’s Presence. When you feel settled, and you know when you are, move to the next step.
Thanksgiving: Review the day with gratitude. Don’t work this too hard, let come up what comes up. And don’t worry about not remembering things. What are you grateful for?
Petition: “I ask to be aware I am under God’s long and loving gaze, and I ask to see myself as God sees me.” Let God bring to the surface what He wants you to focus on. So ‘just’ sit and wait for God to show you. Pay attention to your emotions, this might be a sign of what is important.
Review: Some things that might be helpful when you are new to the Examen: Where did you feel peace, where was peace missing? What brought you true joy? Where have you noticed God’s Presence? What caused you turmoil? Where did you pause in the day? What brought you closer to God, what drew you further away from God?
Response: As you stay with the memory that God pointed out, let God speak to you about it. What is He showing you about yourself? What response is stirred inside of you? How can you respond?
Prepare for Tomorrow: Embraced in God’s love, look to tomorrow in hope. How will you collaborate with God tomorrow?